I stole this straight from my myspace blogness

Every year, near the end of it, I always start thinking back over the whole year. A little montage in my head. A montage of memories.

I compare my old self to my current self, I try to imagine my future self.

A new year symbolizes new experiences, new loves, new friends, new problems.

I remember my 07' new years. well most of it atleast. I was with Adam at the time...I remember laying on my couch with him...I remember my new years kiss... I don't remember if I made a New Years Resolution...I guess if I had one..It was probably...make this year better than the last one. That's what it was last year.

Did I fulfill that?

I'm not sure...

It's hard to compare the two... I feel like I've changed so much. I guess I am at one of those points in my life where I go through alot of changes...Being a teenager and all.

Lately, everywhere I look, I see depression. I see people just being ok with the problems they have, "oh it will get better." "that's just life." "you have to roll with the punches"

I guess I just see that because I've been seeing more downs than ups. With my family and what not. And it's nothing big, there wasn't any huge fight or anything, just little daily stuff. Just reminds you of what someday you will become.

I'm so afraid of just being this middle class white girl, finishing highschool, getting a job, going to college, getting my career. Having a family...fading away. Becoming just like everyone else. I really don't want all that. I hate this whole...school school school job school school career career starting a family career dealing with all that crap stressing out over money career taxes bills

The thing I really hate right now is...how all my days blur together. How does one live their life to the fullest when everyday seems just like the last? yes, there are some new things but not really. Every day is a repeat of the day before.

Monday-Friday Get up at 7:15...get ready..Leave at 7:55...Hang out outside until the bell ring...8:15...class starts at 8:20...Bell rings at 9:52...2nd period til 11:38...3rd period until lunch at 1:15..30 minute lunch...1:45 leave for 4th period. school is over at 3:20. Meet jared at the car, drive home. Homework. Computer. Shower. Dinner. Sleep.

Friday nights-Sunday Possibly hang out with friends, somewhere in winder. Every now and then go to the mall. Sit around. Sleep. Grandma's.



How is there room for anything new and exciting when I do the same thing all the time? I see the same people every day. I recycle my words. I recycle my clothes...Rinse repeat.

"The laws that keep us safe, these same laws condemn us to boredom"

"We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heros or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are.
Letting our past decide our future.
Or we can decide for ourselves.
And maybe it's our job to invent something better."


"I spent my life attacking everything because I was too afraid to risk creating anything."




"The Mommy, she used to tell him she was sorry. People had been working for so many years to make the world a safe, organized place. Nobody realized how boring it would become. With the whole world property-lined and speed-limited and zoned and taxed and regulated, with everyone tested and registered and addressed and recorded. Nobody had left much room for adventure, except maybe the kind you could buy. On a roller coaster. At a movie. Still, it would always be that kind of faux excitement. You know the dinosaurs aren't going to eat the kids. The test audiences have outvoted any chance of even a major faux disaster. And because there's no possibility of real disaster, real risk, we're left with no chance for real salvation. Real elation. Real excitement. Joy. Discovery. Invention."



i wish i didnt steal chucks words so often...but he puts it into words easier than i do.

im sure ill add more to this later